| Fantasy Football Woes |
[26 Nov 2008|11:29am] |
michelle: that's what killed me last week,
stupid willie and clinton again.
chas: I know, I started Willie and lost because of it.
He should just swim out to monster island and allow himself to be eaten by five T-rexes.
I'm sick of his bullshit.
|
|
|
[03 Oct 2008|03:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pessimistic |
] |
I don't know if anyone actually watches the new Knight Rider. I certainly haven't because it looks terrible. I couldn't believe the news I heard today when someone told me that the voice of Kitt is being done by VAL KILMER. It's true. Go ahead. Look it up. How the mighty have fallen... or just gotten really overweight and desperate.
I was watching clips from "Resident Evil" on youtube because I have a red dress and I was thinking that Alice might be an easy Halloween costume. I haven't watched the movie for years but it occured to me that Michelle Rodriguez' character was just a really obvious throwback to Jenette Goldstein's Vasquez from "Aliens". I'd ask who agrees, but I don't know if anyone on the face of the earth watches Aliens as much as I do. It's sad, really.
In closing, this is the most hopeless and futile time possible to be looking for a higher-paying job. This is woefully obvious to everyone, but it's also very frustrating to me. Thank you.
|
|
| Another Mystery Solved! |
[10 Sep 2008|03:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
If you're in tune with late night infomercials, crash dieting, or Oprah Winfrey you may have heard about a little wonder called the Acai Berry. It's supposed to be mother nature's dynamo, the tiny little fruit that could. Not only does it help you lose weight, but it purifies you of toxins and mutations and blah blah blah blah. Allegedly, Brazilians have been hiding it from the rest of us for centuries. I don't buy it.
I am aware of a much more secretive, infinitely twisted group of freakish individuals who have been hoarding this stuff for age upon age. I've been aware of it for years. I just didn't realize it, because they call the magical berries by a different nomenclature.
(Upon further review, this song is a lot more terrible than I remember it being.)
|
|
|
[10 Sep 2008|03:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
me: shit, do you think I should do that thing where I send my picture and announcement to the newspaper? Do people still do that? Do people still read newspapers?
thewarrior7979: Yeah, I think. Send it to the obituaries to mix it up. Michelle and Jay announce the death of their single lives.
|
|
| Compliments of The Greater Massachusetts Bayou Yacht Club |
[02 Sep 2008|02:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
Have you've been looking for an activity to partake in that will knock you right off that high you've been coasting on? Do you want to sit in the comfort of your local drinking establishment and join in a pastime that will fill you with such pure shame and humiliation that you will purchase drinks at an alarming rate, in the hopes that your drunken state will eventually overtake your self-loathing and perhaps you can find relief by immersing yourself in a safe, dark stupor where your glaring inadequacies will be obliterated? We're talking about a race to the death where there can be no winner. You will have no destiny other than winding up an inebriated failure with a gigantic bar tab.
Is this you?
Excuse me please, I must depart from the task at hand for a brief moment to relay what took place just moments ago not inches from my desk. My coworker tried to make an off-color comment about someone who was taking an extra-long lunch break. He said that the suspect was probably paying for some unspeakable bodily pleasure "in the bowels of Lynn". Only he said "bayous", and while it created a delightful mental image for me, ladies and gentlemen, it illustrates only one example of many countless things that makes this job detrimental to my health. Thank you for indulging my confusing train of thought.
Anyway, is this you?
Then BAR TRIVIA is surely everything you've been searching for.
I sat at a table with three other college graduates and was confronted with the most bizarre, obscure, and frustrating questions I have ever been asked in my entire life. Questions about ancient Brooklyn Dodgers who became quadripelegic in the 1950s, the third, barely known member of the Apollo 11 mission, and the doctor who had a parrot named Polly Nesia made tears of frustration well in my eyes. We overheated every little axon and dendrite in our brains and I think our team came in 9th or 10th. It was grueling, distasteful and ugly. The only solution I can think of is to become a drunken nomad and spend every evening wherever it is "Trivia Night". Perhaps I could improve, but this is an unhealthy and expensive solution. One of the worst parts was the smug, condescending demeanor of the quizmaster. Sometimes you'd pass in your answer and he'd just smirk and shake his head at you as if you were a pitiful orphan who still writes their E's backwards on used Burger King napkins and can only count to 14. It's easy to fool yourself into thinking you're smart when you're wearing a captain's hat and holding all the answers in your hand, S.S. Poindexter.
In closing, my hatred for Tootsie Rolls is known far and wide. They are disgusting and taste more like dirt than chocolate. However, if by chance you ever come across one of the fruit flavored ones? Then you, my friend, are blessed indeed.
|
|
| The Long and Short of the Long Weekend |
[02 Sep 2008|08:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fnxradio |
] |
Of course, I'll be using my favorite format: the list.
- Cover letters masterfully written? Check.
- Rent paid? Check.
- Strict diet cast to the wind? Double Check.
- Car paintballed by stupid neighbor kids? Check.
- Fried seafood from Woodman's eaten? Check.
- Surname legally changed to a spanish number? Check. Oh wait, that wasn't me.
- 40oz. of King Cobra imbibed comically? Check.
- Stairs fallen down? Check, but not necessarily in that order.
|
|
|
[29 Aug 2008|09:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Editors - An End Has A Start |
] |
I've decided that Generation Kill is like "Band of Brothers: TNG".
That should make you want to watch it, right Adam???
MAKE IT SO!
|
|
| Thoughts |
[29 Aug 2008|12:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
flogging molly on the radio |
] |
I had my first fantasy football online draft this week. It was like a mental dry heave. I actually spent a lot of time planning for it, which was kind of stupid because none of it really mattered in my case. Every time someone drafted one of my top choices, I would yell "NOOOOOO" and then I would scramble around trying to find my 2nd choice. I had like 10 sheets of paper all over my desk with notes and elaborate diagrams and equations. So, every time someone was chosen, I would cross names off of multiple, cross-referenced lists and then I would dive into that mountain of paper fishing for a wide receiver. I'm not used to thinking fast anymore. Or at all. I felt like I needed to lie down, but I think I'll do alright.
Here's my team:
QB: Tony Romo (DAL)
Jay Cutler (DEN)
RB: Clinton Portis (WAS)
Edgerrin James (ARI)
Willie Parker (PIT)
Ahman Green (HOU)
WR: TJ Houshmandzadeh (CIN)
Wes Welker (NE)
Bobby Engram (SEA)
Joey Galloway (TB)
TE:
Tony Gonzalez (KC)
K: Stephen Gostkowski (NE)
Def: Pittsburgh Steelers
And then I was doing some research on The Watchmen, because I've never read it. I've read some of Alan Moore's other stuff like V for Vendetta, and I used to read League of Extraordinary Gentlemen when I was pretending to work at the bookstore. I'd like to read From Hell some rainy day. Somewhere along the line, I realized that I know nothing about the man himself. Have you ever researched this nutball?!?! Good thing he can write. Wikipedia says, (I know, I know... not the most watertight reference, but I couldn't pass this up), "a practicing magician and occultist, and he worships a Roman snake-deity named Glycon".
Ok wait, WHAT?!?? I am not one for religious persecution, but I wonder how many people hang out in that congregation. Anyway, thanks for the nice comic books, ya loon.
In closing, I hereby declare this three day weekend "FANTASTIC ADVENTURE JOB SEARCH WEEKEND EXTRAVAGANZA". Gemme outta here, please.
|
|
|
[27 Aug 2008|10:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
stupid classic rock radio |
] |
For the past month or so, I've been doing this crazy diet. Not only because I'm trying to get into better shape, but also because I developed sort of a sick interest in it. I have never once for any length of time tried to alter what I eat, so I had this urge to see if I could do it, or if I would crumple like a wet piece of paper. I don't know why I like to be my own experimental guinea pig occasionally... I guess changing the food I eat is better than eating lead paint or playing with mercury.
I can't really even say how much it's actually doing for me, because I don't own a scale, and I try to work out as much as I possibly can anyway. The most important decision I made right at the outset was that I was NOT going to be miserable. If I was out with my friends, I was not going to order a side salad and eat my napkin. I was going to have a few beers and maybe a cheeseburger. I almost never go out more than once a week anyway. This ensures that I will not quit after the first 5 minutes. It actually probably makes me call my friends more haha.
For the first 9 days you basically deprive yourself of anything resembling normal food. And then slowly they let you reintroduce some things back into your diet. So to begin: no bread, no meat, no cheese, no potatoes, (or anything else white for that matter, besides egg whites) and NO alcohol. Ugh. You learn to subsist on brown rice, lentils and chickpeas pretty much, and you eat a lot of oatmeal for breakfast. This is a hard stage, but I've already gone through it twice, since I made myself start all over once I got back from California. I guess it's comparable to boot camp or the Six Million Dollar Man. I broke myself down and REBUILT myself.
It actually has a lot of benefits that I didn't plan on.
- It is teaching me to use spices more intelligently. When you're eating really bland food, you had better hope you can dress it up a little if you have any hopes of success.
- I learned that spices are freaking expensive. But for some reason, you can buy the basic ones at the pharmacy for like 99cents each.
- I also learned that the Shaw's in Beverly is fresh out of Cilantro 100% of the time. I hate them.
- Do you know the quantity of fruits and vegetables you have to consume to feel full? A disgusting amount. Do you know how much squash you can eat in one sitting before you start to lose your mind? I've never actually pushed that envelope so I don't know.
- Egg beaters are fantastic, convenient and a hell of a lot less messy than trying to procure egg-whites yourself. Omelettes rule!
- Let's talk about vegan imitation meat. There is a certain joy and pain involved. I don't care how long you've been a vegetarian or which product you buy. In most cases, I've found that it has the correct consistency and it's spiced correctly. It helps you feel full and it certainly adds "something" to your meal, but you're not fooling ANYONE into thinking this is meat. In the cases of the breakfast sausages that I put in my omelettes, they smell WAY more like sausages than they taste like them. That being said, the stuff isn't gross, it's totally edible. It just doesn't taste like meat. Most of the time it tastes like nothing. But it gets me by.
- Fat free, no carb, flour tortillas are better used as drink coasters. Ick.
The other thing that is KEY is that most of the bulk stuff I'm buying is among the cheapest stuff in the grocery store. I know you've always wanted to shop almost exclusively in that Goya aisle. Now you can!(*!@)!(*@ Dreams can come true.
I'm not going to lie to you, sometimes it's a wicked drag. Instead of really enjoying eating, sometimes you settle for enjoying the way you don't feel hungry any more. Work is by far the hardest daily challenge that I have come up against. Want anything from Earl of Sandwich? Nope. Will you eat some pizza if I order one? Nope. Here, Burger King screwed up my order. I don't eat cheese, so here you go. Oh... thanks... NOM NOM NOM. Once it's within my arm reach, my willpower sort of goes out the window.
|
|
|
[26 Aug 2008|03:36pm] |
|
Did anyone else watch Generation Kill?
Totally worth it.
- Interesting? Check.
- Entertaining? Check.
- Highly relevant to what's going on in the world? Check.
I'm going to watch the whole thing again On Demand. I highly recommend it.
|
|
| Things I Am Relearning |
[26 Feb 2008|03:52pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
blah blah work |
] |
Everytime I turn around, the laundry hamper is completely full.
When I am sitting at home, I could totally go for a cold cut sandwich. If I in fact purchase cold cuts, they will sit in the fridge until I throw them away.
I could vacuum twice a day if I weren't so concerned with being murdered by my neighbors.
Dishwashers and garbage disposals make my heart sing.
Free heat is an unspeakable joy.
Snoring is not.
When I drink too much, I still feel like my mother somehow knows and disapproves.
|
|
| Weekend! Yea! |
[19 Aug 2007|10:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Modest Mouse - Fly Trapped In A Jar |
] |
Saturday I went on a whim to the Download Festival. It was a corporate nightmare filled with an uninterrupted stream of commercials, eight dollar beers, and free crap but the music was good. We played it totally low key, and since my friend and I had to work all day, we ended up getting to the concert about 5 hours late. The lateness may seem excessive but I actually couldn't have asked for better. We walked in and found our seats, (which were excellent by the way), and within 15 minutes the Yeah Yeah Yeahs started.
Karen O. is my hero.
What can I say about Guster? They played a great set. They are talented musicians with beautiful voices. I am biting back a mean term. The term is "sell outs". All I want them to play is old songs. If the song lacks bongos, I will go to the snack stand and buy a SuperPretzel. These new songs are so... bland. They aren't bad songs persay, but they have nothing to do with what I think of as Guster. Any band could play a song like "Come on". I'm going to stop because I'm getting depressed about it.
After 45 minutes of roadies bringing what looked like an entire music store out onto the stage, we were starting to get bored. Two drum sets, a stand up bass, infinite speakers and guitars, a laptop, a clarinet, and what looked like a giant music box... Modest Mouse is a band with a lot of people. I was excited to see Johnny Marr, and I was thrilled to see that Isaac Brock is just as good at ranting and raving as I had imagined. They had a roadie specifically assigned to pick up his mic stand every time he knocked it over with his flailing, (which was about twice a song). Badass.
Today I went to my boyfriend's aunt's wedding. Each table had a pretty bowl in the center with a betta fish in it. Of course three quarters of the way through, a bunch of us had brought several of the bowls over to one table and pressed them all right up against each other to see how riled up the fish would get. It's kind of sad to see all the cousins standing around one table placing bets on which fish we thought was the toughest. We remarked that we were truly no better than Michael Vick. No fish were harmed though.
Later, the whole table got in a very loud and heated Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament. I had no idea this was so serious a game, since I can't remember the last time I played for anything besides the honor of riding in the front seat of someone's car. I learned a lot today. Apparently there is a televised RPS championship. You should check this stuff out. I was laughing so hard there were tears in my eyes, but for what it's worth here are some combos I learned:
Throwing three rocks in a row = The Avalanche
Throwing three papers in a row = The Bureaucrat
Throwing three scissors in a row = The Toolbox
Whenever you're feeling like you goof off a little too much... at least you're not these guys.
|
|
|
[14 Aug 2007|04:35pm] |
me: did you hear about that chinese guy who killed himself over inventing some toy with a lot of lead content?
Chas: I did
me: Lead-o-poly? Chutes and Leadders?
i am curious about this game
Chas: I think it was like Uno, only when you lost you had to swallow paint chips
|
|
| Greek and geek |
[09 Aug 2007|11:07pm] |
While attempting to alleviate the vague depression of having finished "Deathly Hallows", I found comfort by plunging headlong into books by Jeffrey Eugenides and David Sedaris. In the midst of this revival of my love of the greeks, I implore you to sit down in your tv's warm, glowing, warming, glow and watch "The Clash of the Titans".
Do it fast. You know it's been too long.
Because nothing says spanikopita like Harry Hamlin.
In other news, does anyone else remember this show???
|
|
|
[08 Aug 2007|11:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
Does this whole Massachusetts casino fiasco remind anyone else of the Monorail episode of The Simpsons???
|
|
| words |
[21 Jul 2007|08:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
(i wish i was listening to) Arcade Fire - Haiti |
] |
Good: philately
Bad: carbuncle
Good: lacrymose
Bad: homunculus
Good: pomegranate
Bad: moist
Good: Versailles
Bad: crepuscular
Good: endoplasmic reticulum
Bad: spelunking
Good: sasparilla
Bad: mildew
Good: gelatinous
Bad: garbanzo
|
|
| Awesome |
[23 May 2007|03:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
|
|
|
[16 May 2007|09:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thoughtful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Modest Mouse - Spitting Venom |
] |
Once you get out of the habit of writing in this thing, it becomes somehow scary and unfamiliar. I find myself hesitating, and I don't know if it's because everyone can read it, or more that writing in here forces you to comment on your own screwed-up life and really rehash whatever's going on at the moment. I guess i've found it easier to just keep my head down and let the days blur together until I can't remember whether I did anything interesting today. That's kind of sad, and I'd like to get back to where I was before.
Tomorrow will be the 30th day since my car got taken and so I have to wade through all the insurance red tape and make them send me a check a.s.a.p. I was fortunate for a while because my grandmother was still in Florida for most of this month, and she told me to use her car. She came back last Friday, and since then I have been in a $20 dollar/day rental and it's adding up very fast. Hopefully, I can get them to pay for some of that too. It's weird how I don't miss the actual car anymore. I know it's just an object. I sort of just miss the feeling of being in my car. It's kind of your miniature home. It's hard to explain.
I don't drink very frequently anymore. I don't really go out much anymore. But last night I got plastered. It frustrates me because I've never been able to find that middle ground between staying away from alcohol altogether and overdoing it. Once I sit down in front of a drink, my intellect departs for greener pastures and I just have no idea when to draw the line. The slightest suggestion of more drinks or stronger drinks draws from me a resounding affirmative. I'm not sure I have ever spoken the words: "You know what? I'm feeling pretty good right now, I'll just have a Sprite". I am sitting here, hungover at the keyboard, furious with myself because I spent $10 on a movie ticket and I can't even really remember the movie. I am doing what I always do the morning after. Swearing off the sauce. But it lasts for a few weeks and everyone says stuff like, "You don't have to be afraid of liquor, just trim it back a little." and it seems like great advice, so the cycle starts all over again. Maybe I should set a 2 drink maximum on myself and see how it goes???
Thanks for listening to me think out loud. Have a good day everyone.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
shell0r's journal